News

The good news. Mom came home from the hospital yesterday. When dad went to visit her she was all dressed and ready to go. Talked to her on the phone for a few minutes and she sounds good, but I just have the feeling that she's not as good as she wants everyone to think she is. She did turn down the nurse visits and she doesn't want anyone coming in the house helping her dress, bathe and stuff. I personally, think she should have the nurse come in at least weekly to check her incisions, check her vitals, and make sure everything is ok until she goes back to the surgeon in 2 weeks. But, my aunt is coming on Saturday to stay until I get there in July so hopefully if any problems arise my aunt will talk some sense into my mom.

I've been battling allergies for weeks now. Yesterday, I wasn't bothered by allergies so I didn't take my allergy medicine, at all. What's been happening is my allergies are making my throat swell on the inside. Mornings are usually the best times for me to each solid food, because the swelling is down or completely gone. As the day goes on it varies. Standing under the shower with the water hitting my throat works the best. Compresses are ok, but I just hate the fact that I have to do that so I can actually eat. It's irritating to me. So this morning I wanted to have eggs for breakfast since I don't have to work today and wanted something other than the normal oatmeal. After a few bites of the eggs it just felt like the eggs were laying in my throat. I haven't had much of a problem with food for about a week now. I've been taking my allergy meds daily to, especially at night. No meds last night, problems swallowing today. Problem is, I'm so hungry today. Yogurt, water, juice and broth from soup just isn't cutting it today. I want something solid. I took a piece of bread and put butter on it with my soup thinking if I dipped the bread in the soup it would make it go down easier. Not really. Not yet anyway. I forgot to get my water bottle out of the fridge first thing this morning, so it's been pretty much tea for now. I also can't drink or eat anything really cold. When this first started, I thought of ice cream and frozen water ice. Wrong, wrong, so wrong.

Doc seems to think it's irritation from my allergies, especially since the day after I can't eat, my throat is just sore and hurts. Of course, she gave me something that is non-drowsy for my allergies. I can't take that non-drowsy stuff because I don't want to sleep until the next day. That basically narrows down what I can take. We both have ruled out my allergies be strictly pollen related. I've been using local honey for over a year for that, can smell fragrant flowers and even be outside when the grass is being mowed and no problems. I'm thinking my only option is to take the non-drowsy stuff during the day and then take benadryl at night to sleep. Not that I want to. I have another doc appt for the allergies next week so we'll see what's suggested.

Personally, I'm thinking a trip to the health food store is in order for me. I'll do some research into this and see what I can come up with.

Today is another one of those weird weather days. The temp is about 68, but the humidity is in the 80%'s. Cool, but you sweat if you move around to much. And it's drizzling. Hubby decided today that the garden just had to be planted. Everything. So, all of us were out in the drizzle planting in the garden. Talk about wet and muddy! But, the garden is totally planted. Little do the boys know that weeding the garden is going to be their weekly chore or no computers. I'm irritated that it came to this. The garden should have been done by the beginning of the month. Our growing season really is only 3 months long, and we've wasted 2 weeks of it with the boys messing around and not doing what they are supposed to.

Now that the allergy meds are kicking in, think I'll go have a nap, lol.

Unsettled

Right now I feel so unsettled. I don't want to be home and I don't want to go anywhere, and I certainly don't want to be around anyone. So here I am on the computer.

I called my aunt this morning. She's my moms twin sister. I knew by calling her I would get all the info that my father isn't telling me. I did. I found out that my mom and dad didn't tell anyone about her surgery until after. I was almost sure I had called mom on a Friday, which was the day she would have been to the doc to have the cath done. I knew that was coming sometime in June. She gave no indication. My mom and my aunt talked on Sunday, and she gave no indication to her either. She did apologize to my aunt saying she didn't tell anyone because she didn't want to upset anyone. The only thing I can think of is the reality of this hasn't really hit her yet. Either one of them. Maybe dad, though. I know the reality of this is slowly sinking in for me. I've never been on this end of things. I'm the one who comes in, do what needs to be done, speak optimistially to everyone, and out the door I go onto the next one. Now I'm finally getting to experience what it's like for the families. It's easy to sound encouraging and be encouraging, but it's totally different when it's your own family.

Mom and I haven't always had such a great relationship. We've had our ups and downs. Recently we just started talking again. When she told me about her heart problems. She forgave me and I forgave her. The problem is, I feel so guilty. I haven't forgiven myself. All the past problems seem silly when something like this happens. I'm starting to have a whole new perspective on life in general. Especially how to treat people. It's true, life is short and it's wise to really make the most of the time you have with people, especially your own family.

Dad had told me that mom's heart wasn't beating properly which was why she can't come home yet. I questioned my aunt about that because dad was so vague and she told me that mom's heart was beating to fast. The meds weren't slowing her heart rate down any so they had to shock her heart to slow it down. That was yesterday. All I know from dad is she was totally whipped out from it and wanted to sleep. Instead the nurses got her up for her walk.

I had given dad my cell phone number because he said he couldn't reach me on my home phone. I asked my aunt about that because she had no problem calling me. She seems to think maybe they are a little confused. I don't know. I did ask her when she's there this weekend to call my home phone from dads to see if she can get through. Anyway, I had trouble sleeping last night and I heard my cell phone ringing in the other room. It rang twice. First thing I thought of was something happened to hubby since he wasn't home from work yet. When I checked the number and saw it was unavailable, I immediately thought something happened to mom and dad was calling. I was so upset I actually had an upset stomach. I called hubby at work and he didn't answer. I waited and waited and when he didn't come home, I called again. This time he answered. He wasn't the one who called. My cell never rang again after that. I considered calling dad, but thought better of it. If it was dad he would have left a message or tried again. Maybe that's why today is such an off day. That and the phone call to my aunt. My aunt wants to be there when mom gets home so she's going to stay until I can get there in July. Her plans are to go every weekend until mom gets home. She's bringing a couple of my cousins with her this weekend, so I'm staying put. There will be to many people in the house and to many visitors for mom. She's not allowed to many people at one time just yet, and I'm still not handling this very well yet, so maybe it's best to stay away until she's stronger and I've got a better grip on my emotions. Last thing I want to do is upset her.

I've gotten mom and card and when I talk to dad tonight I'm going to get her info and tomorrow I'll send flowers and a little note. For now I need to read up on this and find out all I can and then look into their ins. I was asking dad questions about what their ins covers and stuff and he's clueless. Well, he's going to have to take a crash course on this and get informed. I will be to. I'm going to have to learn to navigate my way around their county and state and see what I can come up with. Now days you have to inform yourself because not a lot of people are willing to give info unless you ask the questions first.

Unwanted attention

Feeling:
Frustrated
Upset
Sad
Angry
Irritated
Helpless
Overextended

There's a lot going on right now so I thought blogging would help me work through all those feelings I'm having.
First, my mom's been having heart problems. I've been calling on a weekly basis to see how she's doing since they live 7 hours away. Last time I talked to her everything was fine and she was going back to the doc to have the other 20% of her clogged artery taken care of. That was last Friday. Now, I don't remember the day I called but it was sometime between Friday and Sunday. Well, on Tuesday she had open heart surgery. I found out on Sunday when I called this week. What really bothers me because I'm on face book with cousins and not one of them told me. Both my brother and sister know and no one made the effort to contact me. I get smacked between the eyes with it when I finally remember to call before 8 pm. That is a big problem I have. I remember to call, but it's usually after 9 pm when I remember and my parents are usually in bed by then. They would hear from me a lot more if they didn't go to bed so early, lol.
Anyway, moms still in the hospital. She was supposed to come home on Sunday but since her heart isn't beating normally, she has to stay until it does. I know nothing about the heart so I'm so out of my element on this one. I'm assuming they are either regulating her heart meds or trying to wean her off the heart med. I wanted to call her, but with all the monitors she has she can't wear her hearing aid, so she wouldn't be able to hear me on the phone if I called.
I want to go see her, but the problem is finding the time to go. I feel I have to take the boys with me if I go. But, this week the youngest has to go to school for 2 days to take exams so he can graduate. Next week is graduation practice, and graduation. I have tests and doc appts because my allergies are so off the wall and my doc wants to find out just what is causing it. If my allergies were mild, I'd hold off, but they are quite severe to the point of sometimes it's hard to breathe. I've thought of taking about 4 days or so starting this weekend, but things are just so busy. The plan is to go in July after the holiday which I'm still going to do, but just maybe move the date to leave up. Most everything will be done in June which has been the plan all along. I've thought about leaving on Saturday and coming back on Tuesday or Wednesday, but I keep flip flopping about that. Maybe that's a sign that I shouldn't go just yet. I don't know. Hubby's no help either. He says go this weekend and then go again in July. My living rooms ripped apart. One of those home projects which we thought would be a simple fix, but as we got into it, there's more to it than we originally thought. If I go and take the boys, there goes hubby's helper with the living room. Hubby can't get a day off right now, so he's been getting up earlier than usual and working in the living room and then leaving for work.
I feel bad if I don't go to see mom right now and I feel bad if I do go and leave hubby with everything on his shoulders and the longer I have to put off getting some relief from my allergies. I thought sleeping on it would help, but I still feel the same today as I did yesterday. Except the one thing that keeps going through my mind is if I wait until moms home and settled, things won't be so busy and unsettled and that may be a better time to go. And stay for a while.

Feeling lazy

Today has been a lazy day for me. No motivation. I'm thinking it must be the weather. It seems like we went from temps in the 50's to the 80's with high humidity over night. No energy and not adjusting yet.

Hubby got up this morning and went outside and said it wasn't to hot outside. Yeah, right! I broke a sweat just sitting in the car to take him to work! The humidity is lower than yesterday so that helps, but it's just to early to be this warm. But then I think everywhere is unseasonably warm.

The plan for today was to work on my dress for the youngest graduation. What I got done was two skirts made. One completely finished, the other still needs elastic. I can't sew when the boys are around. They all seem to crowd around to where I'm at and before I know it I have no room to do anything. So once they come home, all sewing stops. Just as well today because I've been searching for elastic I know I have everywhere.

Originally, the boys took my sewing stuff I had sitting out and put it all in places they only know about. The space I used to sew in I now have my books and stuff for school. But, now that it's warm again I like to sew and finding my sewing stuff has been quite an adventure. I"ve gone through every bag and box that has sewing stuff in it and the only thing (almost) that I still can't find is the elastic. I had lots of elastic and velcro all together. When I heard wally world wasn't going to sell sewing notions anymore, I stocked up when it was marked down. Now, well who knows where all that stuff is. I got two skirts made today, one with elastic one without. I had pulled elastic out of a top recently and kept the elastic. Glad I did. Now tomorrow when hubby and I are out I have to stop at the dollar store and get some elastic. And some other stuff I can't seem to find.

One good thing that has come of my search is I now have a lot more of my yarn organized. I kept the large clear plastic zippered bags that comforters come in and put yarn in that. They work really well! For the most part the closet is organized, but still no elastic. The youngest pulled some stuff out from under his bed that he had. Everything but elastic. There was stuff under there, projects I've started, that I've forgotten about. Maybe I should take this time I have on my hands and try to finish those things.

We had the ac guy out one day last week to check the central air unit. The condenser needs to be replaced in it. The guy sometime this week will be getting back to us with a price for a condenser and to replace the whole unit. I'm still on the fence about what to do. I know our unit is old, but it's probably made better than anything that is made today. That is what makes me hesitate about getting a new unit. But, a new unit would be more energy efficient than what we have now and maybe we wouldn't need it repaired every season like we have been with this one. I don't' know. What I do know is we have the window units in and they are ok, but on really hot days or when the boys are in and out the door a lot, it just isn't that great. But something is better than nothing for now. I keep asking hubby his opinion and he just wants to know how much it's going to cost. He's not looking at the big picture.

I can't believe it's June already. I can't believe the boys are pretty much done with school next week. The youngest graduates this year so next week we have an awards ceremony for him, and his senior breakfast. The following week he has two days of school for exams and the week after that is practice for graduation and then graduation and his party. That will be the end of the month. He's going camping the fourth of July weekend which is right after that. I've been thinking about going in July to see my parents, but hubby and I still need to talk all this out because I have a cousin coming in from Oregon in September that I really want to see to. The thought of a 7 hour drive doesn't thrill me but neither does sitting on a train for 9 hours. To much coming way to fast!

Relaxing

I've spent my weekend doing a whole lot of nothing, lol. I have the holiday off to but I just feel like I need to get my head here. This whole week has been off for me.

June's coming fast and with it comes awards ceremonies and graduation and parties. Next week is the awards ceremony for the youngest, then end of the month is graduation and the day after the party.

I've been looking for a nice light weight dress for the awards ceremony and his graduation. Everything in the stores is some kind of heavy knit. I don't like much of anything knit for the summer. And this summer I think is going to be a really hot one. We've already hit over 90 for two days and it's not even June yet! I don't think this is going to be a normal summer for us. Hotter than normal, yeah. Anyway, I found one dress, but I need two. Only because all the nice dresses I have I've worn previous years. Can't have the same dress on in different years, lol.

My solution is to make myself something. I have lots of fabric stashed away, so I've been going through that and pulling fabric out. Even got the machine out. I figure I've got all this time I may as well be productive. And I think hubby will be glad to have me out of his hair for awhile to, lol. So, making a dress or top and skirt is the plan for this week.

When I was at the conference I picked up the book that was written by the speaker for the weekend. She actually has written three books, but I hesitated to buy all three thinking that if she didn't write as well as she spoke, I would have three books I'd never read. Well, I should have gotten all her books. I'm more than half way through her book and I'm really enjoying it. Problem is, I can only handle so much and then I have to stop. Her husband was one of the people who lost their life in 9/11. They had been married 5 years. At the time she didn't really know God, but through this tragic event in her life she has come to know him and now has her own Christian speaking ministry. And she's a Jersey girl, lol. She lives about an hour from where I used to.

We were talking in Church this morning and everyone who went to this past conference is going next year again. We have to hold our reservations about a year in advance. Told hubby I was going again and he's fine with it. Also informed hubby of the summer plans and he seems to be ok with that to. A lot of trips to PA this summer. I've been thinking about taking 2 weeks and going in July to visit my parents. In September I have a cousin coming in from out West who I haven't seen since I was a kid. She's coming to see her mom and mine. Our mom's are twins and neither one of them is really well right now. And if I go back again in Sept, then that will be the last trip until after the snow. Unless something happens.

Some of the women in church want to go to another conference in October, but I'm not going to that one. I don't want any commitments until I know for sure that mom's gotten through this problem with her heart first. And, that's a lot of trips to. Hubby probably won't be going with me in July to moms but I'm hoping he goes in Sept. The Sept trip will not be as long because we all will be in school then. We can't be missing to much time from that.

Guess that's about all that's been happening for now. Going to relax and work on my baby blanket some more.

Short post

I spent the weekend up North at a Christian Woman's Conference. This was the first time I went, but it won't be the last. It was tiring, but so worth it. Can't explain the sense of peace I felt all weekend.

Of course, coming home and back the reality and it was real hard to keep that peaceful feeling, lol.

Anyway, a few pics.

The pic on the left is a view of the lake as we were going out the driveway.

Another view of the lake. This one is under all the pine trees in front of the Chalet I stayed in.

This is a front view of the Chalet I stayed in. Two separate rooms. One double occupancy and the other single occupancy.

Rainy afternoon

I'm getting old. Much to my surprise, it's true. Hubby and I were outside again today working on the flower beds. I tackled the front bed, which is almost done. I have to get one of the boys out there to get the grass that's growing along the edge of the pavers pulled out. I also had hubby dig the goldenrod out by the roots. What nerve planting itself in my flower beds knowing I'm allergic to it, lol. For the past year I've been taking local honey in my tea which is supposed to reduce or get rid of allergies completely. After about 2 weeks last year I noticed a huge difference. I haven't' stopped using it and I'm hoping this summer I'll be symptom free. I was sneezing a little while pulling the weeds, but if that's the only problem I'm going to have, I'm not going to complain.

My complaint is the aches and pains, especially in my back. Even hubby was complaining and he has to work all night. Took a hot shower which helped some, but the stiffness is creeping in when I sit. But, we are done. Well, I am. Hubby, well hubby has decided to put more dirt, over the mulch and redo the pavers all around the house. It looks nice now that you can see the pavers, but really? There's so much more that needs his attention. And why put dirt over mulch? Don't you mulch to keep the weeds away by letting it build up over time?? Don't know what that mans thinking unless he's just having an urge to dig in dirt. There's always the garden he can dig in, lol.

My poor cat, she just looks so impressed with what I did to her, lol. Actually, she's modeling a baby hat I just knitted.

Had to go into town today to return the memory card that won't work in my camera. Took all the pics off the card and put them on the computer. Now I have a totally empty memory card for my trip this weekend. While I was in town I made one last try to find pj's. Tried Fashion Bug and got a pair of sleep pants for $5.00 and a tank top to sleep in for $5.00 to. I did buy one cotton top, which was clearanced and two pairs of earrings. Couldn't resist. I was really impressed with all the cotton clothing I saw. Even dresses. I don't like to wear knit anything in the summer heat and humidity, to hot. I saw a dress I really liked, marked down. Thought it might be nice for the youngest graduation, but have to wait until I get back from my trip. The youngest has an awards ceremony the first week of June and then graduation the end of June. Need nice COOL and COMFORTABLE dress for these things. I have dresses, but they are not cotton and not cool in any way. I figure if I invest in another dress, it's something else I have for church to. I have one cotton dress I made, to fit me well, that I wear a lot in the summer, but it's not really what I consider "nice." Not for pics anyway.

Tomorrow is packing day. Hubby says he's going to help me. We'll see how much help he's really going to be, lol.