At a loss

This whole week has been an odd one, so many twist and turns during the week, I'm glad it's over. Woke this morning to the phone ringing. The station calling wanting to know where the oldest is. He was over an hour late. Now, the oldest is 19, but refuses to be responsible for himself. Always depending on me or his brother for everything. He doesn't drive yet because he can't pass the written test. He refuses to study for it, so why would he pass. Years ago I stopped getting the boys up in the morning. They each have alarm clocks and know how to set them. Only, the oldest won't set it. Therefore, I don't feel obligated to wake him. Since I was really irritated at the oldest, I took the youngest to the station instead. He's more responsible than his brother. He'll also be going tomorrow to.

I've talked and talked until I'm blue to the oldest about growing up and being responsible, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. Even hubby has gotten on his case about it. We had heard that when the oldest is at the station in the mornings he just does the minimum and then goes upstairs to the apartment and either watches tv or plays on the other guys computer. Of course, he says not, but if the other guy is telling my youngest knowing it will get back to us, then I think there's some truth there. After all he's my kid and I know how lazy he is. Hubby has suggested sending him to his fathers house in India for a while. Harsh, but maybe that's what he needs. I just don't know with him. I was never happy to just sit back and let things go on around me, I always had to get out into everything. I was driving at 17, and working. I had 2 jobs by the time I was 18 and out of the house. And in business school. Don't know what happened with this kid, But he sure doesn't have my drive. So his punishment for today was to clean the house. Kitchen, bathroom, ceiling fans, wet mop and sweep, and do some outside work. The kid has been busy all day. All day long I had to check behind him and well......................he's done the kitchen floor and the bathroom more than once.

And I have a clean house and didn't have to lift a finger to get it that way!

Back to normal

Got up early this morning to go to my first patient, only to find out, as I was sitting in the driveway of the house, that he had passed. Ok, one less thing I have to deal with this week. Now I'm back home wondering what I can do with this unexpected time I have on my hands. It's terrible that you get so used to a routine that when there's a change, you don't know what to do with yourself at first. I do know I don't have to be in bed so early anymore, which will give me more time to work on knitted gifts at night. I do feel relaxed though.

I've been hearing that hubby's cousin is coming back on the weekend, so hopefully he'll be here and that means I will actually get to come home after work, not 2 hours later. A lot less stress for me. A lot more time to do what I want to do. I've been making hubby do a load of laundry before he goes to work in the morning. He actually looked shocked that I asked him, but didn't say anything. After all, why should I carry the whole load myself? Today I left him a list of a few things to get at the supermarket before he goes to work. I figure he goes there every few days to buy food to cook at the station, he may as well buy food for this house to. The man has had it way to easy for way to long. No reason why he can't do something.

I've finally realized that I don't have to do everything. The more I do myself, the less everyone else does. That's just not right. To much for me. For years and years, I've always been the one to take over things for everyone, always picking up the slack, and eventually I find myself with everything on me. They just let me, no arguments. I finally realized that I have to stop this. It's not good for me and it makes me resentful of everyone who lets me carry the whole load. Then, when I give others things to do, and I have time on my hands, I feel guilty for not doing these things myself. Talk about a vicious cycle.

I have started taking the weekend, the whole 2 days and doing only what I want to do. That makes for a very busy week, but I enjoy the weekends. More and more I'm finding that I like being home on the weekends. I use that time as my time to unwind, no housework, except making dinner. That's it. Sometimes I do some school work, but the main thing is to do what I want, not what is expected of me. Again I feel guilty, but the peacefulness I have usually outweighs the guilt.

End of another week

I'm actually glad today is the end of my work week. I'm tired, but in the mood to get some things organized this weekend. Like my closets. Time to dig out the winter clothes. Went on a glove search last night, only found 3 gloves. One pair though, lol. The weather seems to be staying cooler so I need some warmer tops. But not for work. To hot in there, have to keep some t-shirts out for work. Warm tops for in my house and t-shirts for work, what a combination! Last year at this time I was bundling up because the house I worked in used very little heat, all winter long, so I froze. This year I will melt if I don't dress accordingly.

Also have to think about Thanksgiving. What I'm cooking. I took the day before off as well, so that will be a nice week. Have an in service that week to, so not much will be getting done. I wanted the time to bake the day before. That way the day of I don't have much to do. Don't think anyone's coming this year, haven't invited anyone. Just as well, I can use the time to rest and relax.

I've been hearing hubby's cousin isn't coming back on Sunday. Maybe another week yet. Told hubby I need help with running these kids, because it's just getting to be to much for me. My hospice case hasn't gone away. It's still waiting for me. So, guess Monday or Tuesday I have to start that.

Went to knit last night. The first time I've been out all week. Still working on the baby blanket. Realized I have made a mistake, so ripped it out to the mistake. By the time knitting was over, the blanket was right back to the point it was when I walked in there, minus the mistake.

I've officially started my Christmas shopping! So proud of myself. I've bought a few things, have a few more to get. Not buying much this year and not giving much either. I'm making up 4 baskets and knitting dishcloths and a set of place mats for in them plus some other things like flavored teas, hand soap and whatever looks good. Things I know the families will use. Also have thought of putting sticky buns in there to. That will be the day before given though. Not knitting the guys in the house anything. They don't use it.

The plan for hubby is to get him an mp3 player and download some Indian songs on a blank cd for him. This way we can put them on the mp3 but he can also listen to them at the station in the stereo they have there as well. Other than that a few thermal tops, maybe some bottoms and that's about it. He's been looking at a bracelet for a while now. Might get it for him, might not. I've bought him so many bracelets in the past and he never wears them.

The oldest has me pretty stumped. All the kid wants is games and more games. I refuse to buy the kid any games. Him I have to think on. My parents, their stuff just needs to be boxed. I've been working on their stuff through the months so they are done. That's about it for Christmas in this house this year. Not over working myself with knitting either. Hope I can stick to my plans, but we all know the saying, man plans and God laughs.

Here we go again

I got up very early this morning got myself ready for the day, thinking I had to work early. I get a call asking me if I'm working my early case this morning. Well, I still have a cold, is it advisable? My supervisor says she doesn't know and will call me back with an answer. Not even 15 minutes later she calls me and tells me not to go. She never called the other agency to find out for sure, just made that decision herself. Why? Because she thought of the consequences of my working with someone with a compromised immune system. With my having a cold. Not a big deal for someone rather healthy, huge deal if they aren't.

So I'm up with no where to go, lol. Should have gone back to bed, but I'm awake now. I'll be feeling it later. Plus, who knows what's going on tomorrow. My cold won't be gone by then. Just want a definite answer for this. I'm at the point of telling them to just find someone else and be done with it.

Finished my last chapter for now. Officially on break. Sort of. I still have info to gather and other stuff, but as for the reading and the class, taking a break from all that for now. Use this time as catch up time.

Was talking to hubby last night, around 8 or so. Told him I still had class to do. He had the nerve to act surprised that I was working on that so late. I asked him when he thought I did it. I don't learn by osmosis.

Had to wait yesterday because one of the kids is staying after school for extra help. This means she doesn't get here until around 4 pm. I'm usually on my way to drop them by then. This will make my day even later. My running has been ending between 5 and 6 pm. Now it will be later because of this staying late. Which will make it even harder to get to the places I need to be by 6 and 6:30. Oh, joy!

Theraputic entry

One thing I like about blogging, it clears my head. And believe me, my head is jumbled lately. Tuesday I get a call from work to do a hospice case. I agree to do it. I can fit it in before my other case. Makes for a longer day, but it's hospice and maybe I need to be out of the house more anyway. I'm thinking if I'm away more, than the things that bother me won't be so bothersome because they might not seem that big of a deal. Anyway, hubby's cousin left on Wednesday. I had to get the chicken and stuff from in town and drop his kids off at the other relatives house. Ok, one night, not a big deal.

Hubby calls me later that night to inform me that I have to drop the cousins kids off EVERYDAY until he gets back. Now, if the drive wasn't to far, I probably wouldn't mind, but we're talking an hour round trip. Yes, that bothers me. What also bothers me is that hubby just volunteered me without even asking me first. It also bothers me that the other relatives house, there are 4 drivers in the house, two college students. Every time I drop these kids, the college kids and the wife are there. And just why are they not coming back to get these kids????? Why am I doing this???????? Her husband drops them off at the school inthe morning because he has to go to the station to get the paperwork, and the school is on his way. Their house is not on my way. Coming home and going back is not on my way either. I asked hubby how I got to be the lucky one to do this and he said his cousin begged him. And he just volunteered me without asking me. But then again, this is a man who thinks I have nothing to do after work. And that I only work a few hours. I'd like to know who he thinks takes care of all the other stuff in the house, who does his errands, who does the station errands, how the money gets in the bank and how the bills get paid and who buys food and all that other stuff I do that he doesn't think I'm responsible for.

My days would be shorter if I didn't try to do other things after work, but why should I give up those things because I have a husband who doesn't think about all I really do. Maybe he just doesn't really care either. I've considered charging him for everything I do, problem is, he wouldn't be able to afford me. I would have thought that his thinking would change since when I was sick it took him and his cousin to do everything I do myself, but I was wrong. Short memory I guess.

I've considered quitting work, but that just makes hubby spaz and say he'll need to work more. More?? The man works 12 to 14 hours a day 7 days a week. How can he possible work more? I think he just says that so I won't quit. He doesn't have the time to work more, and if I quit we'd still be ok. Sometimes I think he does this because he thinks I need to be occupied, or maybe so he knows what I'm doing and where I'm at. I don't know, just wish I knew what was going through his head when he does this stuff to me so I can change his thinking.

Spent the weekend home with a nasty head cold. Called off from work today because I knew my lady wouldn't let me in sneezing and coughing and stuff. The other case is hospice, he already has a weakened immune system. I don't even know if they would want me there anyway, so I did, what I thought was right, and stayed home. This afternoon I get a nasty message about not working............. Yet, every year we do an in service, and every year we are told if we are sick to stay home. So stay home and deal with an attitude because you did. Just can't win. If I knew I could get another job in about a week, I'd quit. I'm that tired of it all.

The only good news is I'm done with school until January. I really, really need the break!

Been thinking

I know thinking can be dangerous, but in my case I've come to some decisions, lol. I've decided to take a break from classes. I'm going to finish the chapter I'm in, but after that, hopefully before Thanksgiving, I'm taking a break until after the new year. This way I can enjoy the holidays with out the stress of class and I really have been pushing it since July, so I think a break is needed. This means I won't graduate in December like I planned, but on the other hand, when I come back I have one more chapter, a final, and the thesis. The thesis is on the last chapter anyway, so I figure I have months to really concentrate on it. And I'm taking a break over the summer to. Going to try to follow more of a going to a college schedule. I feel good about this so it must be the right decision.

This is the time I year that I really enjoy. All the preparations for the holidays and the time with family. I also really get into the knitting at this time because things are usually gifts for someone. Don't think anyone in the house this year is getting anything knitted from me. None of them wear what I make, so why waste my time.

It really doesn't feel like November outside. Still in the upper 50's. Started my holiday shopping to. I'm determined this year not to be out in the stores shopping after thanksgiving. I have hubby's list and the youngest list. Only one thing for the oldest. I'm clueless for him this year. I've decided we are cutting way back this year anyway, only a few things. The older they get the more expensive the things get!! If they get a few things they really like they should appreciate what they get.

Ok, break times over. Time to hit the books for a few hours, lol!

Did everyone remember to change their clocks back?

Woke up yesterday with a migraine. Took something in time so it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but enough to put me down for most of the day. There have been so many fronts moving through with this crazy weather, I'm not surprised. Was up and around by the end of the day. Of course! Hubby called a few times while he was at work to make sure I was feeling better.

I'm up and ready for church this morning. Was up earlier than normal, but stayed in bed until the alarm went off. I forgot that the alarm is set ahead by 30 minutes, so I was still up early. Every things done and they boys are ready to. Normally, we are all still scrambling at this time. My eyes are feeling tired, but other than that, I feel pretty good. Sometimes, I think the migraines are my body's way of telling me to slow down. I'm trying to adopt the there's always tomorrow attitude. Not working so well for me.

Hubby told me one day last week that his cousins wife in Canada was going to have a baby around December. He wanted me to make some things and send them off at that time. I found out Saturday morning that she had the baby already. It's a girl. Well at least I know what kinds of things I can make for her. I've already started a blanket. I chose green and going to put a crocheted pink border around it. Decided on the pink after I knew what she had. Originally, I was going to make the border yellow. Since I had so much fun at knitting last week, I decided that I have to make time for this again. It's the break from my life that I need. Not to mention I get to socialize with all females. If you live in a house of all males, you know what I mean. A friend of mine brought in a knitting book and in it is a pattern for leg warmers for a baby. So cute. I borrowed the book to make a copy so I can make a pair. I didn't realize just how much I miss knitting, but I do.

Instead of class occupying my time 5 days a week, I'm going to cut it down to 3. I need the time away and I can get some projects going. I've been working on a shawl with a drop stitch in it. I wasn't sure about it at first and was going to not do the drop stitch, but now that it's done, I have to say I really like it. I have to redo the bound off edge, it's to tight, bit I think I can fix it. The problem is going to be blocking it. It's 60" long and I have no place to just wet it, pin it, and let it dry. I'm thinking of putting it on the ironing board, and doing section by section, but that will take a long time. When it's all done I think I'm going to give it to hubby's sister. Have to remember to take pics because I probably won't be doing another one like it anytime soon, if every. Purposely pulling stitches out of knitting and making holes just goes against everything you've been taught as a knitter, lol!

Hubby wants to hit wally world today after church. I hope he doesn't want to spend hours in that store because I'm just not up to it today! In and out of stores is what I like. Of course, I have a yarn shopping trip planned after work tomorrow, but it's for yarn, lol! Then needle shopping online so no over spending. Like I need more yarn. If hubby had any clue as to just how much yarn I really have he wouldn't let me near a yarn store in years, lol!