Back to normal

Got up early this morning to go to my first patient, only to find out, as I was sitting in the driveway of the house, that he had passed. Ok, one less thing I have to deal with this week. Now I'm back home wondering what I can do with this unexpected time I have on my hands. It's terrible that you get so used to a routine that when there's a change, you don't know what to do with yourself at first. I do know I don't have to be in bed so early anymore, which will give me more time to work on knitted gifts at night. I do feel relaxed though.

I've been hearing that hubby's cousin is coming back on the weekend, so hopefully he'll be here and that means I will actually get to come home after work, not 2 hours later. A lot less stress for me. A lot more time to do what I want to do. I've been making hubby do a load of laundry before he goes to work in the morning. He actually looked shocked that I asked him, but didn't say anything. After all, why should I carry the whole load myself? Today I left him a list of a few things to get at the supermarket before he goes to work. I figure he goes there every few days to buy food to cook at the station, he may as well buy food for this house to. The man has had it way to easy for way to long. No reason why he can't do something.

I've finally realized that I don't have to do everything. The more I do myself, the less everyone else does. That's just not right. To much for me. For years and years, I've always been the one to take over things for everyone, always picking up the slack, and eventually I find myself with everything on me. They just let me, no arguments. I finally realized that I have to stop this. It's not good for me and it makes me resentful of everyone who lets me carry the whole load. Then, when I give others things to do, and I have time on my hands, I feel guilty for not doing these things myself. Talk about a vicious cycle.

I have started taking the weekend, the whole 2 days and doing only what I want to do. That makes for a very busy week, but I enjoy the weekends. More and more I'm finding that I like being home on the weekends. I use that time as my time to unwind, no housework, except making dinner. That's it. Sometimes I do some school work, but the main thing is to do what I want, not what is expected of me. Again I feel guilty, but the peacefulness I have usually outweighs the guilt.